Toddlers for Congress: Would we notice a difference?

By Lisa Farrar Wellman
(photo from http://www.visitingdc.com/)

Last night we put our two-year-old to bed and I decided to update myself on current events. After a quick scan of our national news, a realization came to me. Our Congress (all of them, not just the libs) and many others in our government greatly resemble a room full of toddlers.

Think about it.

Toddler Trait: They lie to get out of trouble.

When a toddler can’t look you in the eye, don’t believe a word he’s saying. Nancy Pelosi doesn’t want to admit she knew about waterboarding. The winds have changed. It’s not politically correct anymore so she’s lying about what she knew and when. (This particular scenario is quite common in Washington. They expect us to trust them with what is now unlimited power and our grandchildren’s money, but they can’t remember where they were or who they talked to or if they knew anything about anything… ever).

Toddler Trait: They smile a lot and hope we don’t notice what they’re really doing.

When our daughter is up to something she shouldn’t be, she smiles and hugs us and tries to distract us from the fact that she’s shoved a toy into the toilet. Day after day our leaders hold press conferences on Capitol Hill. They grin wildly and shake hands and the president signs bills into law. Lots of hip, hip hooraying, yet when you get down to it, the smiles are there to cover up reality. Our lawmakers pass bills they do not read. They hobnob with lobbyists and accept donations to their campaign funds from the shadiest of the shady. They do not do what we sent them to Washington to do.

Toddler Trait: They’re expensive.

Toddlers go through clothes at a pace that boggles the mind. They’re picky eaters and they are sick many times each year. They’re expensive little boogers, but they’re also darn cute so they make up for it. Wish I could say the same about Congress members. Their pork spending gives us all the swine flu. We suffer because they can’t live within a budget. Pet projects trump common sense time and again. And it doesn’t matter, right? What they don’t have, they’ll just borrow, or we can always print more money.

Toddler Trait: Rules don’t apply to them.

Toddlers don’t want to share or eat their vegetables. Bedtime means nothing to them. Congress is the same way. They have a different set of rules to live by. Who else gets to vote every year for his/her own pay raise? Did any of Obama’s cabinet nominees actually pay their taxes? No wonder they don’t mind taxes. The rules don’t apply to them. They feast on a special Congress-only retirement plan while the rest of us make the Sign of the Cross over our Social Security checks and hope for the best. They work approximately 15 minutes a week and get to call themselves representatives of the American people. They don’t represent me, my beliefs, or my work ethic, I can tell you that.

Now that I think about it, there really are only two differences between toddlers and our government leaders. If something smells, you check a toddler’s pants. For Congress members, check their pocketbook. The other difference is that toddlers grow out of this stage.